I haven't bought my ticket home yet.
Yes, part of the excuse is that Peace Corps hasn't sent me the funds yet, but that's really just a cover-up for the real reason: I have a hard time letting go. Buying that ticket will seal the deal and put me into hyperdrive towards saying goodbye non-stop for the next six weeks.
EL TIEMPO VUELA!!! -- Swear-In Day: August 15, 2017
But if I'm being honest: that season is already here, and the longer I put off reality hiding behind the thinly veiled lie that "I'm just living in the moment!", the harder it's going to be to go when it is my time.
This is a reallllllly strange feeling because, don't get me wrong, I AM READY TO GO. I came, I saw, I loved, I served, I loved some more. But I believe in God's divine timing, and mine in Ecuador is up. And after years of exploring other worlds, my time to return to my family base has finally come (yes Grandma it's really happening!).
Thanks to my homegirls Karla & Jacobi for coming to see me in Quito <3
Yet, I sit here watching the prices climb for one-way tickets from Ecuador to JFK and I cannot bring myself to hit the "purchase" button.
So it is time for me to take inventory and begin to enter into this season of RELEASE.
I'm releasing my rural lifestyle.
I'm releasing my workout club.
I'm releasing my weekly encebollados.
I'm releasing my daily batidos (papaya and strawberry, SIEMPRE).
I'm releasing my perpetual summer weather.
I'm releasing my bus rides to the Sierra.
I'm releasing last minute sleepovers at other Volunteer's houses.
I'm releasing the beautiful views.
I'm releasing my solo weekends on the beach.
There's way more, but this one's maybe the hardest of them all: I'm releasing my attachment to the people I've fallen in love with; the people who have become like family.
Me and my bailoterapia sisters celebrating birthdays.
A new Peace Corps Volunteer asked me last night "HOW DO YOU FEEL?!" I told her that I feel like I've got two hearts now and they both desperately want to be in two different places. I don't feel torn in half; I feel like I have two whole parts fighting against each other constantly.
There were many times in my service that the heart that deeply longs to be with my family in New York had to take a backseat to the heart that deeply longed to stay. But now the tables have turned and I'm not fully sure I'll ever be able to return to just one heart ever again.
"Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life." But only God knows how I'll be able to "guard my heart" now that it has doubled.
I'm perpetually in my feelings for the next few months, so please say a prayer, send some love, find me and give me a hug. I haven't been able to do any part of this Peace Corps Service completely alone, and I'm not about to start now.